November 19, 2015 

 I wrote this about my daughter who left when I was very ill not realizing the illness was from side effects almost 15 years ago.  Its as relevant today as it was then given the holiday season approaches and our relationship has not improved.

LOST DAUGHTER

                                                                                              by Kathryn Egan

The sun conceals itself guiltily in the sky

Longing to reveal its brilliance but must wait

As to do so would surely set all things awry

Perhaps, more than likely, its all too late.

We're tricked and deceived as we seek the light,

Our painful losses, ourselves we cannot blame.

As each person turns away, its our right

To evaluate if, in fact, they really came.

This is acceptable in measuring a lost friend,

though how do we discern the motive of a love?

If like the willow, in the wind we must bend,

Can I ride and survive the raging gale above?

Its Christmas to the rest of the world.

Today most certain, I am not a supple tree,

So lying in bed, in my blankets curled,

This usually jovial time can pass by me.

She said it was the illness she couldn't take.

She could not withstand watching the pain

But this insidious disease and I cannot separate;

Its part of me, though not the same.

Yes, I've changed and do not smile as often,

But you've thrown away chance as you leave.

I can't see how the blow can soften

With assurances of love on Christmas Eve.

So as this illness lives in partnership with me,

To reject it, lays brick upon brick of a wall.

Through the eyes of a teen, you cannot see,

The pain you've delivered and how deep I fall.